Before trying to be have better at parenting skills, first and foremost, understand that parents CAN go wrong and it is okay. After all you are a parent for the 1st time. You can always learn from your mistakes. A few pointers given below can help you reduce mistakes and grow as parents:
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Role Model: “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them” (James Baldwin). Be the person you want your child to grow into.
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Discipline through rules: The best way to instil discipline in kids is by laying down some ground rules. The rules should be such that they not only teach them discipline but also values that will go a lifetime.
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Be Consistent: Rules work only if practised consistently. So ensure that you don’t bend the rules or ignore them to suit the occasion/ situation if you wish to be better at parenting.
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Be Firm not Offensive: Rules can always be explained and implemented with firmness shown through your voice and manner. Never use physical force or raised voices to drive home the point.
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Learn to say No: Many a times, as parents, we feel it is okay to give into the child if he cries. Often people let the child get away with demands because he is ’too little to say no to’. But this does not make you better at parenting, infact; it is very important for parents to understand that saying ‘No’ is only teaching the child and preparing him to be competent in the normal world where he will not get everything he asks for.
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Reason your ‘No’: Kids hear, see and understand everything. If you say ‘No’ for a particular thing, explain the reason behind it. This will help them accept that ‘No’ more easily. It will reduce the chances of tantrums, arguments, etc.
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Love them: Being better at parenting does not mean to set rules and being stringent. it also involves saying that you ‘love them’, I mean express your love to them. Don’t forget to use words or hugs or kisses that are non- verbal signs to say that you care for them. The more the children get emotional attention and feel loved, the less they rebel.
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Praise the Positives: Instead of constantly telling the child what not to do or where he is going wrong, guide him on what to do and praise him for things he does right. Praise every little effort taken. Verbal praise is more important than materialistic things.
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Get involved: Giving time does not always mean taking the children on a vacation or buying whatever they want. Often playing their games and eating their food with them has the emotional involvement that the child really needs.
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Every child is different: Please understand that each child is different. If you want to have a strong and positive relationship with your kid, it is imperative to understand his/her strengths and weaknesses; abilities and capacities. Working on those will help the child develop and enhance his/her positivity.
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Keep your promises: Children trust every word their parents say. So make only those promises to them that you are confident of keeping. Because when you break a promise, you shatter the child’s trust in you.
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Talk to your children: It is important to maintain an open communication between you and your children. It tells them that you are all ears for them and that they can always come to you when in difficulty. Discussing how your day was and asking them about their day always helps. Discussing your difficulties with the child and making him feel responsible is another way to bridge the gap of communication.
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Decide punishments/reinforcements: Both the parents should agree on the kind of punishment/reinforcement to give to a child for a particular thing. As long as both parents are united, the process of teaching the child with the help of punishments/ reinforcements will work well making you both better at parenting.
Are there any other points or tips you would like to add to this parenting guide? Do suggest..