I like dramatics. I recently saw a play based on community affairs. The topic was that of a threat to the building of communities- DIVORCES. The play showed how our discomfort in the relationship compels us to withdraw from the marriage.
The story revolved around the life of parents of a girl of marriageable age, undergoing divorce. They also showed few other characters, who chose divorce as a path for themselves. The rate of divorce in India has increased in the last 5-10 years, although it is still lower than other countries. But the question is, why are more and more couples opting for divorce? Some causes that I can think of are:
- Upbringing: Upbringing plays a vital role in a marriage. The kind of family values you have been brought up with or the kind of culture inculcated in you since childhood will strongly influence the kind of marriage you are in.
- Tolerance: Level of endurance has decreased in couples in today’s modern times. Most people are unwilling to compromise to keep the marriage going.
- Expectation: As compared to earlier times, today, each spouse has huge expectations from the other. Sometimes the expectations are unrealistic too. When the expectations are not fulfilled or met, people start fighting and pointing fingers, resulting in gradual breaking of the marriage.
- Westernization: As is commonly said, copying from the West is seen not only in the latest fashion trends but also in relationship trends- be it good or bad.
- Ego: If both spouses want to get their way all the time and take offence if that does not happen, it is bound to cause tension. If this persists for long, without either side letting go, the marriage ends in divorce.
- Adjustment: No two families are alike- ever! With regards to financial situation, lifestyle, culture etc, each family is unique. Unless the girl adjusts to the new way of living or changes are expectations to suit the new environment, she will not get contentment in the relationship. And discontent abets divorce.
- Difference of opinion: Just like families, no two individuals are same. Each has his/her own set of thinking/point of views/opinions. It is necessary to respect each other’s point of view and not insist that only one is correct. Otherwise, cracks start appearing in the marriage.
- Culture specific: The rate in India could be lower because of its rich culture. In any culture, as long as the society is strong, there are lower chances of a person to think about divorce. When you are an active member of a society, you would always worry about societal pressures. The society too finds ways to keep a marriage going.
I reasons for divorce are numerous but the few that I could list are often common ones. I know that while opting for a mutual consent divorce, the Mumbai court spends time along with the marriage counselor to see whether their differences really are such that cannot be mended.
In India it is expected that marriage is once in a lifetime thing. Sometimes I believe that the growth of divorce is partly due to greater amount of education and financial independence of women. Earlier women were not independent, nor were they financially secure. Hence, inspite of a bad broken marriage, they continued to live in it and suffer through the pain. But today, with women being educated and equal to men, they are no longer scared to file for a divorce and live an independent life. They would also terminate a marriage inspite of having children and not worry about the societal pressures. Times have changed. This looks like a positive outlook to me but at the same time, the youth today have forgotten the meaning of values like trust, adjustment, etc which has led to more number of divorces leading to a negative outcome.
Lack of conclusive research on the causes of divorce (then and now), triggers the debate about the pros and cons of divorce, especially in India. It is sad that marriage and relationships are getting weaker over time. In order to maintain and build a stable society, every community should take steps to get to the crux of the issue.