Raising A Happy Child Successfully

Why is it always that you need to correct a child? Teach him what is right or wrong? Or in other words, discipline him? Disciplining is not always necessary. Or is it? What is the ideal way to discipline them? When does one know if its too much? When I think about these questions I wonder what makes a child correct or incorrect & why raising a happy child is so important.

If you look at what is most important in a person’s life. It is EMOTIONS. Every time a parent is angry or a child has committed a mistake, what we don’t see is the child’s emotions underlying the main scenario created by the child. So here are some of the ways to help you understand when, how and why of raising a happy child:

• Emotions say a lot- Identify: Every time your child shows a negative emotion (crying, unhappy anger, disgust, embarrassment, shame) it says something. Don’t miss these cues. They are hidden messages in your child’s behaviour that tell you lots about the child; his thoughts, feelings and situations. Help your child express well by making him build his Emotional Vocabulary.

• Identify your child’s nature: There are 4 types. Knowing your child’s type may help you know him better and can get easier to understand him.

1. A sensitive child: Who is emotional. Subtle and thoughtful. His need may be to be heard and feeling connected with the family. Who can be described as gentle, tender, mindful. You may judge him as shy, wimpy and hypersensitive.

2. A Fun- loving child: Who is social. Bouncy and random. His needs may be having fun and having happy parents. Who can be described as friendly, bright, light-hearted. You may judge him as flighty, hyperactive and unreliable.

3. A Determined child: Who is physical. Active and determined. Who may need new experiences with parents’ support. He may be described as busy, persistent and energetic. He may be judged as pushy, demanding and loud.

4. A more Serious child: Who is intellectual. Straightforward and exact. His needs may be respect that is given and taken. Described as efficient, analytical and thorough. Judged as critical and know-it-all types.

• Know your child well: it is often seen that parents with two children or more tend to come up and say that both the kids are different in-spite of being born or even brought up by same parents in same environment. Their thinking, behaviour, feelings are quite opposite. So before thinking of raising a happy child, it would be ideal to know their individualistic choices, preferences, needs and wants are going to be different. Knowing your child’s and his needs and preferences which in-turn will help you understand him and his purpose well.

• Appreciate the uniqueness: the moment you start comparing your child with something or someone, you kill the animal of creativity in him. You expect your child to behave or act in a certain way as you think is good & ideal. This way the child is learning that there is always someone who will feed him information about what is correct and incorrect and hence he learns to stop thinking and creating from his own experiences. This also can lead a child to become Lazy.

• Accept your child:  One of the key aspects of raising a happy child is in the moment when you know your child, you also know that he is different from others. The uniqueness in him is the only thing that will help him strengthen his strengths. It is when parent accepts the child for his uniqueness that the child learns that it is okay to be different. These children have a well-built self-concept and self-esteem.

• Understand the cues: When a child throws tantrum, it is a way for the child to communicate with you. Whether it be correct or incorrect way of expressing it, as a parent it is essential to understand that something is being expressed in a manner. It is ideal for the parent to understand that there is something that is intense, different or embarrassing for the child in his life. The child is going through a change. Here if handled well, the parent teaches the child that CHANGE IS INEVITABLE and will be dealt at every moment of life.

• Calm yourself: As a parent it is extremely important that you calm yourself 1^st before you enter the disturbed world of the child. Whilst trying to help a child who is undergoing a turmoil of emotion or confusion, a parent reacting in a negative manner is only going to worsen the situation. It is okay to take “TIME OFF” if you think the child’s tantrums are over whelming you or you know you may end up becoming aggressive too.

• Does it Really Matter: This part explains the question of when to discipline your child. When you think your child is acting inappropriately, it is essential to correct her. Or leaving the child uncorrected will help him explore himself. Also correcting a child every time only breaks his morale and weakens his decision-making skills, his problem-solving skills and most importantly, it kills the creativity in him.