10 Do’s And Don’ts While Arguing With Your Partner

You think that your relationship is falling apart. You have tried several ways to collect the pieces to put it together but it is not working. You start wondering what may possibly be going wrong since you are putting your heart and soul to make it work. Have a look at some of the ways you unknowingly may be ruining your relationship.

Arguing and having a discrete idea is a part of any relationship. When there are differences of opinion, there will tend to be an argument. It is this moment which could make or break a relationship. Depending on how you handle the issue, the discussion may worsen to become an argument or worst a battle.

1. Insight into your underlying emotions: Before starting any argument, it would be ideal to gain a good insight about what is the real reason behind you getting worked up. If the reason behind your emotional outburst is a bad day at work or starving stomach, then the anger at the argument would just turn into an unreasonable fight in no time. At such time, things that you dislike about your partner and their weaknesses are spoken about which do not end up anywhere close to good.
2. Arguments are for a Reason: Arguments happen when you disagrees with the other’s opinion. When you hold a grudge against your partner and you want to vent it out, it may be called a war and not a discussion. Hence be very sure of what you are arguing about while you are. And that you are not merely arguing because you hate the opposite person and want to hurt him/ her by saying demeaning things about him/ her.
3. No Loud Volume: We generally want to be louder than the opposite person while we have an argument is because we want to be heard. We want to prove that we are right and the opposite person is not. But understand that the opposite person’s perspective is also the same of being right and hence he too will be yelling. This yelling at each other is not taking the argument anywhere rather creating a wedge. Instead speak in a calmer tone and talk by taking turns.
4. Taking turns while talking: Take turns while talking. This will lead to good communication. None of you will be able to hear each other if both are talking at the same time. Infact, when this happens, it just means that you do not want to listen to the opposite person and knows that, ‘you are right!’. Well, that is not what one would call a discussion. So, just yelling over each other’s voices to be heard will not work.
5. No Running away: Running away from a discussion is mere avoiding the situation and not getting a conclusion. You do not want to do that. Though it’s the easiest way and it may not be in your nature to ‘speak it out’, it leaves the relationship on a sour note. Your partner maybe upset about it and you won’t budge to discuss to get a solution.
6. Keeping quiet: This would be another form of running away by just keeping quiet when your partner is asking you or blaming you for something. If the partner expects an answer is because he/ she wants to put an end to the argument and not because they are getting some pleasure out of making you speak. Hence it would be incorrect to sit quietly and not respond back or participate in the argument equally to bring closure to the issue.
7. Do not dig fossils: The discussion with your partner should be about the issue that you are upset about currently. Don’t dig into your past resentments or get the weaknesses of your partner into the discussion to put him/ her down just so that you can win the argument. Winning the argument is not your motive, stabilising your relationships with a win-win scenario is.
8. One issue at a time: Often an argument happens when you ‘cant take it any more’ and more often than not there are many things that you think you have let go of and it is now too frustrating for you. That is when you decide to speak up. But remember at such time since your every issue is related to the other, you may be tempted to argue about all the issues as they come in your head. Beware! Understand that you are talking about an emotion that has erupted pertaining to a particular incident that has taken place. Hence your idea is to resolve that emotion through bringing up only the issue that has caused it.
9. No being violent: When the discussion heats up, there are times, a partner may lose her calm. At such times it is imperative to not resort to abuse or physical violence. Even threats should be avoided in at all costs. Threats or any kind of violence or degrading language used does not solve any issue. Its just an easier way for one to vent anger. Such times it is important to remember that venting your anger is not the purpose of this discussion.
10. Time out: As soon as you know that your discussion is starting to turn into a war, it is necessary for at least one of the partners to address it and understand that the discussion now needs a time out. One cannot think clearly when one is angry. Hence to come to a rational decision, you need to 1^st calm yourself down, think about where the discussion is going and the reason why you may be discussing it in the 1^st Mutually decide to take a Time out from this discussion but do come back to it later. A Time- out is not taken to avoid a discussion when one knows he may be losing in an argument.