Have you ever been a Ghoster or a Ghostee? How did it feel? I have seen a consistent increase in ghosting between people in relationships in recent years. The word ghosting is particularly used for people who try ‘sneaking‘ out of a relationship.
For those who do not know what the term ‘ghosting’ means: It is abruptly ending a good relationship by avoiding the person physically or virtually by ignoring calls, messages and avoiding the person completely until it has phased out.
I believe that ghosting can happen in any relationship. It does not necessarily have to be a romantic relation, even in relations that have been happy and long lasting.
From the perspective of a Ghostee, the person feels upset. He/ She feels that being ghosted is unfair as no form of closure is provided. Today’s generation is not expecting anything serious from dating. In fact, they prefer having a ‘no strings attached’ relationship. Also, with the increased use of dating applications where the person you date might just be a stranger; ghosting as a concept becomes pretty normal as you don’t have any emotional ties. People feel more comfortable to end a relationship rather than face the uneasiness from the other person in the relationship. This is actually seen as a safe option instead of accepting any responsibility.
What can a ghostee do?
1. Wait until both parties calm down: The sudden shift of emotional unavailability from the person seems very daunting to the ghostee. In such cases, to get your closure, wait until both of you calm down and then calmly request your partner to hear you out and feel ‘heard’ or ‘listened to’.
2. Have practical thoughts & emotions: In today’s times, expecting a closure is too good to be true. At such times, learn to deal with your thoughts and emotions practically. When things seem way out of control, seek help. Divert your mind by involving yourself in fun activities or work that you like and prefer.
3. Accept It! Accept that you have been ghosted and learn to move on. If the person really does not want to give your relationship a chance, writing awful long messages and emails aren’t going to help.
4. Be sure if you are indeed ghosted: Having said that, make sure that you indeed are ghosted. Many a times, work overload, increasing social media pressure may wrongly make you think that you are ghosted. For e.g. I have a friend who makes minimal use of her phone, let alone social media. We connect on all levels when we are with each other but when I have to get in touch with her via phone, she almost never gets back. This does make me feel at times that I may be ghosted by her but it isn’t quite true. This is also true for most of the people who cannot use their phone during work and when they do get back to their phone, it is bombarded with hundreds of notifications from different applications and people. This might make replying to each one tedious and boring for which one might ignore messages from close ones. There might also be a case when you unintentionally leave out a message in the pile of other messages, making the person feel unwanted as his message was ignored and not replied to.
5. Check on yourself: Checking on yourself and your emotional self- esteem should be important. Make sure to check on your parameters of Self- Love too. Hope you are building your boundaries in relationships.
When you check all these boxes of parameters, there might almost not be a change whether you are ghosted or not or even when ghosted, it may not affect you as badly.